For as long as I can remember, I've dealt with body aches and joint pain. I used to chalk it up to my weight and the fact that I taught aerobics several times a week. Honestly, I was a bit of a glutton for punishment. I would push myself through the pain, believing that movement would somehow fix everything.
Over the years, my body has worn many shapes: skinny, fat, and everything in between. But after COVID, something shifted. The pain I experienced was unlike anything I'd felt before. After countless blood tests, I received a positive ANA result. Yet, there was no clear diagnosis. No Hashimoto’s, No Lupus No Lyme disease. Eventually, they told me I had fibromyalgia.
I was devastated because my PCP didn't recognize this diagnosis. I felt like they would look at me and not believe what I would tell them about my symptoms.
The pain was so intense that you’d often find me curled up on the couch, crying. It felt like an alien was touching me with hot octopus tentacles; nerve pain that radiated through my body in waves. My joints ached so badly that teaching aerobics became nearly impossible. I had to let go of the classes I’d taught for years, and with that, a piece of my identity.
A rheumatologist prescribed me gabapentin and naproxen, which helped ease the nerve pain. But emotionally, I was drowning. I felt like I was disappearing. Depression crept in, and I struggled to stay afloat. Yet, I had to keep going for my children, who were growing up fast, and for my mother, who depended on me.
I was always the strong one. The one who held everyone together. But inside, I felt like I was falling apart.
That was about 3–4 years ago. Today, the flare-ups have subsided, though I still don’t feel 100%. Some days are harder than others. Living outside the States, away from my kids, in a foreign place it’s a challenge that weighs heavily on me. I still go to the gym, but I can’t teach anymore, and that loss stings.
I’ve gained weight, and it feels like there’s no end in sight. But I’m trying to shift my focus. I’m choosing to enjoy my travels, to find joy in the little things, and to be a source of positivity for others whenever I can.
Because here’s what I’ve learned: seasons come and go. Some bring severe storms, and others bring calm. But if you keep pushing through, one day you’ll find a rainbow waiting for you on the other side of your journey.
Much love,
Dulce
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